Message From Space (1978)

It's 1977. Star Wars mania is sweeping the globe. You're a Japanese filmmaker and you, too, have been inspired by Star Wars (emotionally, fiscally, or both). So. What else could you possibly do except make a goddamned Star Wars rip-off?! Fucking Star Wars, guys!

SHOULD I WATCH IT?
For reals. You get to see a historical piece of Star Wars hype, as well as some pretty distinct Japanese cinematography and costumes of the era. How they mix is fascinating. I would say this is a must for anyone who owns "Han Shot First" memorabilia, and/or has seen at least a couple Kurosawa flicks. If you've seen Sandy Frank's Fugitive Alien series, do not miss it for anything.

PARTICIPATION
1. When someone says "Jillucia", correct them by shouting "Alderaan". Find the other comparisons and enjoy your outbursts. Make them your own. Throw in some obscenities. There's a good boy.
2. When the evil forces appear on screen, do your best Rita Repulsa.
3. Throw in some Akira Kurosawa references for good measure. Or just shout random Japanese phrases like "NANDA YO!".
4. Vomit whenever the main theme (the blatant, same-key-and-everything rip-off of Obi-Wan's theme) is played.
5. Seriously? It's Star Wars. Geek out.

THE SUMMARY
The story is pretty basic. There's an evil force in the act of conquering an impossibly peaceful people. A wise sage sends 8 seeds into the galaxy. These seeds will seek out heroes who are destined to save the people. Moral dilemmas occur. Adventure happens. Good guys win!

What's interesting is that a vast majority of the finders of the Liabe Seeds are reluctant hero types, who are not at all interested in having anything to do with saving anybody. I kind of like that. (Luke Skywalker always came off to me as an overeager Herbalife salesperson.) We also spend a bulk of the movie meeting our characters and developing them well before any actual saving enters the picture, like a sort of space Goonies. I kind of like that, too. There's a heap of Japanese actors here, and then American ones - I assume to cater to the North American market and therefore a potential cash cow. What I didn't like was the manic muppet direction, which looks like it might have cost a few people some torn ligaments. Actors are flailing about having fist fights and tumbling down hills and shoving each other during emotional outbursts. I feel tired watching this. I am a tired old woman.

So let's talk about some more parallels, but break it down by character.

The Obi-Wan analog is Vic Morrow, a.k.a. the crusty and world-weary General Garuda. I knew I had heard Vic Morrow's name before, so I looked him up. He starred in a 1960s World War II drama called Combat!, and had a lot of guest roles in TV shows like The Twilight Zone and Bonanza.

Dee deedle dee deedle dee deedle dee GARUUUUDAAAAAAA!

Leia is actually split into two characters. The first is Princess Emeralida, who is serene, mystical,virginal, and the spokesperson for her people, trying to convince the heroes to hero up.

For a barren planet, they sure gotta lotta leaves going on.

The second is a spunky space chick who is bubbly and headstrong and cocksure and fumblydumbly. Here's how the story meeting went: "Now, let's see, we can't name her Leia... so what should we call her?"

NAILED IT.

  Level 10 Spunk alert!

There are the Luke/Han combo characters, namely the stunt flyin', risk-takin', fun-lovin', authority-challengin', fast-talkin' young buddies known as Aaron and Shiro. They find their Liabe Seeds when they crash their ships.

He's trying to extinguish confusing sexual feelings for his friend.

The Fire Extinguisher sequence, ladies and gentlemen.

Rounding out the Liabe Warriors are the robot, the noble warrior, the cowardly gambler, and the... mystery person whom I won't spoil for you. So here's some more screen captures.

Catching "space fireflies".

It's a... spaceship. With sails?

Even a space fantasy should take heed of the basic fact that the cold, black void of space will render you unconscious, if not frozen, within about 15 seconds. As a filmmaker, if you don't acknowledge the friggin' vacuum, it ceases to be a space fantasy. It becomes a space insane-suspension-of-disbelief. Just set it on a planet, jeez. But I guess we're supposed to be Star Wars-ing here, so Space!

Bad guys! Rawr!

You've gotta aim for the reactor to blow up the enemy base.

Careful, though... the opening is only 10 meters wide!

Not Star Wars.

X-Wing + Death Star ray.

Now allow me to drop the mic and step offstage.

Invisible Invaders (1959)

Oh yes. It's that time... time for bad alien invasion movies. With invisible aliens. Happy fucking new year, people!

SHOULD I WATCH IT?
Be careful with black and white sci-fi movies. They are jaw-droppingly dull as a general rule. If you haven't forayed into MST3K episodes like Night Of The Blood Beast, maybe start there first. If you launch straight into this genre your eyeballs may fall out of their sockets. That said, it's a pretty enjoyable flick for the genre. It's got a bit of that Plan 9 From Outer Space + The Creeping Terror vibe to it.

PARTICIPATION
1. Take as many drinks as you dare for stock footage.
2. Argue with the narrator in the voice of Comic Book Guy.
3. Take a drink for shots of shuffling invisible "feet".
4. Shout random numbers for shots of clocks, gauges, and dials.
5. Take a drink for closed-circuit cameras with perfect cinematography.

THE SUMMARY
John Carradine (yes, David Carradine's dad!) is a nuclear scientist that's killed when his lab blows up. His buddy Droopy Dog shakes his fist at the establishment and declares, at the funeral, that he's giving up nuclear research and instead going to use his genius in the pursuit of world peace, unlike his dumb dead friend.

Way to make it all about you, asshole.

And, to Droopy's surprise, the corpse shows up on his doorstep a few hours later. Presumably because he has words.

"What was that bullshit at my funeral? Seriously."

Turns out that he's actually an alien who's taken over John Carradine's corpse for the sole purpose of delivering a message. Basically, "surrender, or we invisible dudes are gonna mess you up." Pretty classic stuff. But then that stuff immediately stops making sense. All the aliens inhabit corpses then, stumbling about at a snail's pace, which is supposed to be spooky-scary or something, but is really just kind of silly. I thought the whole corpse thing was just to deliver a message? Why would you ever stop being invisible by choice? It's the most advantageous thing you can possibly have as an invading force!

Turns out invisible aliens move incredibly slowly and drag their feet like tiny children.
Maybe the week-old corpses are a step up?

Nobody believes Droopy Dog when he says invisible aliens are coming. Yet the aliens chose him specifically - the survivor's guilt-haver who's just done a complete career 180, then resigned from the government commissions in which he had any clout - to deliver the warning of impending doom to the world's leaders. Here's a fucking idea. Do a bunch of invisible stuff. Then kill the president of some major country, inhabit his body, and speak to the public over radio or TV. I don't know who's more inept... the aliens or our "protagonist".

So we get to see 15 minutes of this guy pouting. Grab a beer.

When nobody believes Droopy Dog, the aliens decide to show the people of Earth that they're serious about destroying everything. They accomplish this by waiting for a plane to crash, inhabiting the body of the dead pilot, and making him wander into an arena in Syracuse, New York to announce the invasion to the audience at a goddamned hockey game.

INVISIBLE INVADERS!

 
Stock footage starts telling us how the incredibly slow, lumbering aliens are "sabotaging" the world via explosions and things. Then John Agar shows up and starts being an awesome military guy who punches and shoots people. Finally, someone I can get behind. He bosses around Droopy, his daughter, and his colleague in the quest to find some way to defeat the invaders.

This would be another good time to go and grab a beer. Or eight.

Yawn.

The things I do for you people!

Wait. Something I'm never quite clear on. When the aliens are sabotaging, or looking for scientists to kill, or generally getting around... are they invisible or are they corpses?

ARE THEY INVISIBLE OR ARE THEY CORPSES?

I guess they're corpses whenever it's convenient for the audience.

The movie wraps up in a nice, little neat bow by telling us the conflict was resolved and everything is totally hunky dory, even though a minute ago we were told the entire planet was either on fire, flooded, or in rubble. But it's OK, because the narrator slams the theme of the movie over our heads, telling us that, hey, the peoples of the world can work together after all. Except they didn't really, because the problem was solved by four people in a bunker in California. Who also, by the way, squabbled and punched each other. So no. The peoples of the world can't work together.

Hey! The UN Building is still standing! That sure is convenient. You'd think it'd be the first thing an alien force bent on world destruction would... sigh.

Good job, invisible invaders. Good fucking job.